I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
