You smell like stripper and shame
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
