Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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