You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize