Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
