so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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