Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
