they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
