Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
