I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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