I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
