if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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