woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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