a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my poor anus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
