You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
