Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
