he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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