Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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