Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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