I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
