At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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