mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I won the penis lottery.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
