I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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