woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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