Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
