Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
