i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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