we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
