the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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