Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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