Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
