i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
