she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
