Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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