if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
