Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
