I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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