I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize