I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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