I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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