im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
