Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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