Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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