Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
