Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
