I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
