So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
