I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
