Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
