I just saw a hot homeless man
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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