My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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