If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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