we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
