I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
