good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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