so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
