Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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