thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
