R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
