how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize