I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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