Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
