She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
