He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
