I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
