Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
