just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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