READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize